Business Letter.....
Dear Students
In regards to a research project in the area of room ventilation and its impacts on the Tropical population, we would like to solicit participation from NUS undergraduate students. This study focuses on the influences of bedroom air quality on various human responses.
Short-listed participants would be reimbursed for their time at $8.74 per hour (standard University rate). Each participant will be reimbursed for a minimum of twelve (12) and a maximum of twenty (20) hours. The project is envisaged to be conducted in early December 2008 (vacation period).
Participants will be asked to maintain a normal sleeping schedule at night for up to four weeks at home. Throughout the duration of study, participants will be provided a log-book to record their diet and sleep quality. Participants will be asked to complete a series of short survey and computerized tests. In addition, a saliva collection protocol will be administered on weekly basis.
Indoor air quality measurements may also be conducted in selected homes (bedrooms) twice a week for about one hour.
If you are interested, please complete and return the attached Participation Checklist by email to bdgbox1@nus.edu.sg (or reply to this email) latest by Wednesday, 12th November 2008. The checklist will take about 10 minutes to complete. Please add your name initials to the completed file, e.g. for Mr. Tan Boon Leng, the file name will be: Participation Checklist_TBL. Short-listed applicants would be invited for a short interview through email or phone call.Thank you for your attention and interest in this project.Best regardsDr Henry C WillemSchool of Design and EnvironmentNational University of Singapore
Thank you for your attention and interest in this project.
Best regards
Dr Henry C Willem
School of Design and Environment
National University of Singapore
My opinion.......
I feel that this letter requesting for research volunteers was well written with minimal negative points according to the 7Cs.
Courteous: The opening was appropriate with the “ Dear students” and the ending line was polite as it showed gratitude.
Concreteness: Relevant information about the liability of the research was not stated properly as the details of the department doing the research was not stated.
Clarity: The letter could be easily understood as layman words were used and the relational pattern of development was captured.
Conciseness: The writer tried to be concise as much as possible but the length of the letter was long. Certain details could be referred from an attachment. For example, the tasks for the volunteers were quite detailed; this could have been avoided.
Completeness: All aspects of the research (aim, duration, incentive, tasks and administration matters) was covered and conveyed easily to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion: The structure and organization of the letter is good. The writer starts off with the aim of the research followed by the duration and incentive of the volunteerism, the tasks to be carried out by the volunteers and ends off with the administration matters.
Correctness: The usage of words was correct. There is no error in grammar, spelling and punctuation except for the word “log-book” which should be written as logbook.
A good sample letter that one can refer to when writing a request letter for volunteers. Don’t you think so?
Please feel free to correct my critique if it is wrong.
Cheers,
Rathi
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Hey Rathi,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a really good job with that analysis. It's true that the paragraphs describing the participant's responsibilities and the registration process could have been more concise, with the details of both processes written elsewhere.
From my experience with these letters, I am guessing that it was sent to you through your official NUS email account. In that case, it would be good for you to include the Subject line of the email. Proper business correspondence should probably include a subject line, which this letter currently lacks.
Also, I think that you accidentally copied out the last few lines of the letter twice. :) You may wish to edit that.
Regards,
Ben
Hi Rathi!
ReplyDeleteGood effort in your critique=)I agree with you that this letter was written in a clear and couteous manner yet formal at the same time. The details regarding the submission of the checklist were rather complete. They could have included the contact number for the person-in-charge so that the students will be able to find out more information directly if necessary.
I also agree that the structure and organisation of the letter was good as it allows clear presentation of information which could easily be understood.
All in all, a well-written letter with minimal grammatical and punctuation errors.
Cheers,
Cassandra
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Rathi,
ReplyDeleteI agree with your overall comment about this letter that this is a good sample of request letter for volunteers. You did a excellent evalution by applying 7Cs.
This letter provides complete information on what is a volunteer's job details and how to apply. It is true that, as you suggest, the introduction part is lengthy and should be included in the form of attachment. I also agree with the rest of your comment.
I think the most commendable point of this letter is, that the writter did not instigate readers to participate by using emtional language and exaggerating the incentives. Instead, he just peasefully mentioned there would be reimbursement offered. Thus, this letter would not mislead students' actions.
For the negative point, in terms of completeness, I think this letter did not ask the applicants to indicate a preferred time for phone interview. Or, applicants may be asked to indicate this in the checklist, however, I am not able to know that without reading the attachment.
Cheers,
Chen Zhi